Ever wonder why you feel really, really good after an ugly cry?
Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.
It’s the kind of cry that gets your hair all wet from snot and your makeup running down past your collar bone.
It ain’t always a pretty sight, in fact, it rarely is; hence the term, “ugly cry.”
But often, we feel pretty darn good after. Sometimes, we may even feel elated.
Honouring your experience
Why do we feel a sense of relief after a good ol’ waterworks fest? There are several reasons.
One is that we are honouring our experience.
When we fully feel what is going on inside and let the sadness and grief be expressed, we are being present with our truth. This in itself is healing.
If we deny our feelings and put on a tough big girl smile, we end up supressing our truth and denying ourselves an opportunity to get in touch with our own unique and authentic experience of an emotion.
You see, when you are just told you have a chronic condition (meaning FOR LIFE in the western medical perspective), it is down right scary and a lot of grief, confusion and sadness are bound to arise.
I want you to know that this is OKAY.
It’s okay to feel whatever it is that you are feeling
It is perfectly normal to feel scared and to be moved to have the biggest ugly cry of your life.
After an ugly cry, we are often in a state of clarity and acceptance.
We can reflect, without judgement, on how we have come to such a state of imbalance in our life.
We have some space to become clear on how to start our mending process.
Ironically, you can’t change until you completely accept and surrender to where you are at in the present moment. Once you accept your current life circumstances and stop trying to resist them, there is energy made available to start moving in a new direction.
The art of letting go and surrendering
Having an ugly cry requires you to let go and completely surrender. In doing so, you are allowing your emotions to flow through you naturally instead of getting trapped in your body.
Louise Hay’s work explores where we tend to hold particular negative emotions and thought patterns in the body and the physical ailments that can result.
Thoughts and emotions are energy and if we hold onto them instead of expressing them and releasing them, they become trapped in the body so to speak and can create tension, stagnant energy and eventually disease.
Having that ugly cry after your diagnosis will allow you to begin the process of exploring your inner world, feeling whatever is there and letting it go. This will be an important part of your healing process.
Before the tears, there may be shock and anger
Now, don’t get down on yourself if you didn’t have a good cry in the doctor’s office, or maybe when you got home. This is also completely normal because of the shock and confusion that usually set in before the grief.
You may first be in denial. Then you might feel anger well up inside. Express the anger too. Yell into a pillow. Go to the gym and punch that punching bag until you exhaust yourself. LET IT OUT.
When you are ready, the grief will come. And when it comes, I challenge you to go into it fully and cry until you can’t cry anymore.
You may do this more than once. I have had more ugly cries than I can count since my diagnoses.
Remember, crying with interstitial cystitis is normal and healthy!
Using the ugly cry as a tool in moving towards wellness
After your cry, I invite you to take out your journal and write down whatever comes to mind. You might have some profound insights after such a release that will help you on your journey.
For instance, maybe after your cry you have a flashback or image of a particular childhood memory. There could be a particular wound you are still carrying from childhood that you were not conscious of before. Write it down. You can also pull out some paper and crayons and do a sketch. Follow your intuition and the gentle whispers of your soul.
Don’t forget to reach out
It is also important to share your grief with someone who will listen without judgement and simply be there with you in the moment.
You can reach out to your partner, or a trusted friend.
You can reach out to me. I get where you are and I know it’s hard.
You can begin a discussion in the comments section below. Sharing your experience is an act of bravery and this is a space free of judgement.
Or, message me here.
Just know, that you aren’t alone and that you are supported.
Sending love and strength to you,